Maturity

"Maturity" has a long history as a bludgeon-word, a stick with which to beat those whose priorities one disapproves. If I don't value what you value, or not as highly, then I lack "maturity." This is an empty, even destructive usage.

The original meaning of "to mature," from its agricultural sources, is to ripen, to become capable of generating offspring. If we are not speaking of the offspring of our bodies, then I submit that we must be speaking of the offspring of our minds: our decisions, actions, and the consequences that flow from them.

Human beings live in a world of objective reality, with laws that no legislature can repeal and no court can review. Within that world, we choose goals, prioritize them, and select tactics by which to pursue them. Sometimes we succeed; other times, we fail, or encounter costs beyond what we're willing to pay. Some successes are transient, and some failures will yield to fresh tactics or renewed effort.

To pursue a goal involves both costs and gains, neither of which is perfectly foreseen. All of us try to minimize the costs, while securing as close as possible to 100% of the gains for our own satisfaction. (This includes satisfactions from distributing some of the gains as largesse.)

One way to evade costs is to shift them to another's shoulders. One way to increase gain is to expropriate others who may legitimately claim a share of the prize. He who does these things consciously is a parasite, a thief, or both. He who does these things unconsciously, or under a blanket of rationalization is...?

In my view, a mature individual is one who accepts reality for what it is, rather than what he wants it to be. Moreover, he accepts that the consequences of his actions are properly his to bear. When he fails, he doesn't try to displace his failure onto the backs of others, or to denigrate or destroy the successes of others. When he succeeds, he allows others their due, according to what was previously agreed. In all cases, he pays whatever costs he's incurred -- and the less he complains about it, the more we all think of him.

The immature individual is a whiner or a thief, and sometimes both. (Not all thieves are immature; some steal with full consciousness of what they do and what it might cost them. That doesn't make them admirable, but the distinction is in their favor.) When he loses, he cries for a change in the rules. When he wins, he claims credit that wasn't his, or gains that were promised to others. He never willingly accepts the costs he's incurred. Those who must endure him seldom like him, even those no more mature than he.

The virtues that accompany maturity are those that follow the acceptance of reality and consequences: prudence, humility, generosity in victory and graciousness in defeat. These things confer stature. They mark a man as a pillar, whose strength may be counted on in difficult times. They mark a woman as a rock, who will protect what is dear to her despite any and all opposition. (I find women to be the more conservative sex. Native female conservatism -- maintenance of values, continuation of traditions, and insistence on male decency -- is the basis for all the just societies known to history.)

Compare this template to the people you find to be mature or immature by your own lights. Does it fit? I'd like to hear.